I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
