Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
