what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
