I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
