She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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