Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
