SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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