Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
