I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
