He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
