I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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