just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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