You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
