you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
