well I can't set my house on fire every night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
