I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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