I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
