Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
