wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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