I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
