You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
accomplished twins. life is a go
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
