wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
