his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
