my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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