Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
