Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
