if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
