Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
