Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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