I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
