JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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