My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ladies don't puke and tell
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
