It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
