At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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