i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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