I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
