i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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