wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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