Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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