I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
how drunk are you?
Several
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
