Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
