and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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