My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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