It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was born a porn star she said
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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