That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
