I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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