Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
