I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
