adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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