Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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