I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
