i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
