all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
