meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize