This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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