i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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