what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
