hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
