Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
