life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My penis needs a shock collar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
