You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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