I accidentally had phone sex last night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i've created a new STD.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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