Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
