yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
