I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
