i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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